Musings

Hey there! Long time, no see, but I've finally sent off my UCAS form so yay!

So I thought I would share some thoughts that I've been having lately.

Lately I've realised that I hardly answer questions in class and when I'm asked I go into mini freak out mode and mumble some lame ass excuse, and play with my hair until the situation has dissolved. Cool right?
Anyway I realised it was starting to happen more often and I was starting to grow more quite in general, even around my friends and family. I started to think about why I was so scared to say..well anything at all, and then it hit me, rejection. I hate it. Its what always keeps me from going for things. And with my UCAS application needing to be sent off, I began to become more and more scared that I wouldn't get any offers and would wind up not going to Uni next year. However, once I realised that it was making me scared to do anything, I knew it had to stop, I couldn't let this fear keep me from living my life.

 So I'm trying. Trying to not be so scared about everything life throws my way. Big and Small. Needless to say its not the quick fix I would like, but I'm making a little progress, I'm starting to answer questions somewhat  confidently in classes now, so yeah, baby steps.

Even as I write this, I'm kinda scared, wondering if anyone will read this, wondering if it will make any sense. just wondering about everything, like I always do. I'm a thinker not a talker and I like it that way so I'm not hoping to become this extroverted person who loves to talk and always has something to say, but being able to take part in class discussions without get mini anxiety attacks would be nice.

It feels nice to get this off my chest because I've been holding it in, and that's never good.
If anyone actually reads this and has any advice or wants to share, leave your comments below, I'd love to hear your thoughts :)

On a less depressing note, I'm planning on doing some reviews on some pretty good products I've recently purchased so keep an eye out for that!
To anyone who made it this far, thanks, you be da bomb diggity ;)

Lots of Love
Natalie
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